Why Not Me?

… que violins. Anyway, why violins?

Despite the lonely looking girl with an empty chair by her side… ohhh wait that’s me!

I’ll be writing about how I gained peace through a world that looks at singleness as a sad and sorrowful place.

I saw this posted on Instagram today and it really hit me… Wow! I really do FEEL like that! It’s probably only been in the last 6 months where I was able to fully and completely let it all go.

All that worry

That ache in your heart:

Eek an Engagement: When you see that engagement post

Wedding Woes: When the bride walks down the aisle

Baby Blues: Oh that baby bump?

… and you think… why not me?

Where did I go so horribly wrong?

And although you may not even say these things out loud to others you still think to yourself, no I’m not selfish I’m truly happy for X Y Z. But You undeniably feel some sort of ache in your heart.

Am I too late?

Will this ever happen to me?

Why is this taking so long?

Have I run out of time?

Why Not Me?

But let me reassure you that there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you or what you’ve done. What’s in the past is in the past, and all you can do is work on yourself and your future.

As a matter of fact you are exactly where you need to be. And they are exactly where THEY need to be. That’s why it’s THEIR life not YOURS.

The more I took my eyes off comparing my life to others. The more I could appreciate my own. I started to compare myself to what I had achieved in the last 2-5 years, what I was doing in the present and what I was working on in myself and what I had accomplished. Let me tell you this – It was pretty damn impressive!!! The more I focused on all the cool awesome things I’ve done it made me realise how bloody awesome I am compared to everyone else (true story!), and that’s a huge call for someone who had a low self esteem for far too long!

I stopped looking at my failures

I stopped beating myself up

I stopped being hard on myself

I stopped with this unrealistic pressure I had on myself that was only weighing me down!

I had enough!

I think it’s a very normal thing to go through (especially a lot of women around my age) the ‘why not me?‘ Phase.

Society tells us:

Your teen years are to mess sh*t up

Your 20s are your young, wild and free years

Your 30s are your settling down years

Thanks to Hollywood

Those magazine laying on the racks

And social media

They have distorted our brains, played with our desires and given us unrealistic ideals/goals for our lives to aim for.

We need to tell these voices that make us feel like we’re not good enough, we’ll never get married or we’ll never have kids, we’re ‘too old’, we’re not further along than we need to be, or that what we see others having in front of our eyes will never be ours too.

We need to tell that voice to shh the hell up!!!!!!! Because guess what?

ITS

NOT

TRUE

The more I started focusing on myself…

The more these feelings started to dissipate.

Is the desire still there?

Absolutely!

But it’s not distorted by jealousy, fear or worry.

I’m now able to go to a wedding and be COMPLETELY present. Without those strange feelings interrupting in my brain.

I’m now able to play with young babies and children and EXPERIENCE true and fulfilling joy in my interactions.

What I’ve found has happened is that now those insecurities, lies and jealousy has gone. It has freed up space for joyful emotions that have been robbed of their rightful space in those moments to now enter. I laughed louder, I cried harder (tears of joy of course ;)) and my smile was wider in each moment making more room for a joyous interaction or event… whatever it may be!